Nightmares and Dreams
by rosecat16
Summary: Taken after season 2: It's been a year since Morgana's disappearance, yet Gwen can still hear her cries, and when her nightmares are at their worst, Arthur is there for her.


Chapter 1: Guinevere

Guinevere's mourning

Gwen awoke in a cold sweat, gasping a huge breath of air and held it for a moment, the world seeming to pause for a moment, only to be let out in an exhale a moment later. In an instant she was out of bed and racing out of her small home and running all the way into the castle, up the polished marble stone stairs, and down the corridor until she got to Morgana's chamber doors. She quickly opened them and prepared to go to calm Morgana from her nightmare when Gwen realized that Morgana's bed was empty.

It was then that Gwen remembered. Morgana was not here. Morgana had been dead for a year. Gwen's panting slowed to a steady breathing, and even her pounding heart seemed to slow to match her breathing.

Gwen remembered everything that had happened, how Morgana had not fallen asleep like everyone else, how she, Merlin, and Arthur had lead a battle against Morgause and her small army of seven, only to be kidnapped by them. She had listened while Merlin told the tale, he being the one with her when she was taken, but when the story was finished, she could not believe her mistress was gone. Morgana was not only her mistress, but also her best friend. They had told secrets to each other and had a special friendship that no other maid and lady could understand then, or ever.

But now Gwen clutched the wall and slid down until she was sitting in the space between the open doors, and let the tears of belief come. She hadn't believed it before, not in the entire year that she had been dead, not until this moment, but now she did. After waking up in the middle of the night, running the entire way from her small house in the village to Morgana's chambers, only to realize the truth, Gwen realized that it was not the first time she had done this. Many nights she had awakened, thinking she heard Morgana's cries, only to realize it was her imagination, and Morgana had not come back. But it was this night, the night after Morgana's tomb was made and laid by her father's, that Gwen had truly thought that Morgana had come back for everyone to see that she was not dead. But this was not so, and Gwen's face was soon wet with her tears.

Through her tears she did not even hear the footsteps coming quickly up the corridor, or see Arthur approaching with Sir Leona and Merlin, all running to Morgana's door.

"I heard some noise over here, Leon, you-"Arthur stopped, seeing Gwen for the first time.

Gwen had looked up upon hearing Arthur's voice and, with a bit of a blush approaching, quickly tried to wipe her tears away.

"Guinevere," He said in his usual way, though he seemed a bit confused. "What are you-"

He stopped, seeing her wet face. "You were crying,"

She stood up and looked down, trying to avoid their stares.

Sir Leon, feeling a bit awkward, said quickly, "Ah, I shall go check the room, sire," And hurriedly walked into the room.

Merlin stood there absent-mindedly until he saw Arthur giving him "the look", which meant he wanted to speak to Gwen and to go away.

"I think I hear Sir Leon calling!" He made up, and cupped his ear as if hearing Sir Leon's voice. In a pretend voice, he said, "I think I shall go check on him!"

Gwen saw quickly where this was going and slowly started walking, until she heard Arthur's voice saying, "Guinevere," in his usual way, and he touched her arm. She felt a tingle in the spot where he touched her, and felt a chill go down her spine.

She reluctantly turned to face him, though she did not dare to look at his face, nervous she would start crying again and he would see her.

"Yes, Sire?" She said quietly, stealing a small glance at his face, but then, noticing his small smile, she felt confused.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," He said.

She felt a bit moved by him, and for a moment her dark brown eyes blended into his deep blue eyes, but as soon as it happened Gwen looked away and said, "I'm fine, my lord."

"Well I can see that now," He said.

She gave him a look and he gave her a smile to tell her he was kidding.

"Why were you crying?" He asked.

"It was nothing, sire," She said, shaking her head, as if to erase the question from her head.

"It's not nothing, it's something," He said, searching her face as if the answer were there. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Its Morgana isn't it? You miss Morgana,"

She fought the tears back and slowly nodded. She looked at him. "I just can't get the feeling she's alive out of my head. It's like I can still hear her crying out for me in the night like she used to when she had nightmares."

She couldn't help it when a tear slid down her cheek. Arthur's gaze looked into hers and she saw sympathy in them, maybe even pain.

"We all miss her," He said at last. "But I don't think anyone, not even my father, could understand the pain you're feeling. I know how much you meant to Morgana, and I know she meant much to you also."

She nodded. "I know, but I can't help feeling like it was my fault she was kidnapped."

"No, don't think that. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. It was my responsibility to watch over her, and I didn't. You weren't even there-"

"Exactly," She said, cutting him off, her voice rising as she took a step back. "I wasn't there! You don't understand, Arthur, she was my best friend. It wasn't just my job, it was my life to be there for her at all times, and I wasn't. I wasn't there for her like I should have been, and now she's dead because of me."

"Gwen-"

"The room is empty, Sire," Sir Leon said, coming out of the room, followed by a droopy Merlin.

"What's wrong with Merlin?" He said, and then added, "Well you know, besides all the usual things wrong with him."

Sir Leon turned to Merlin laughing, and said, "He must not like getting up early."

Merlin put his finger up, took a deep breath, and said in that one breath, "I don't mind getting up early. But I do mind getting up in middle of the night to inspect a room that's been empty for a year and look for possible intruders who just happened to wander in this room on the farthest wing of the castle!" His face was a bit red until he took a breath.

As Arthur and Sir Leon chuckled at Merlin, Gwen silently slipped past them, then, staying true to tradition, curtsied quickly, and then hurriedly walked off, leaving them there in the corridor and walked the rest of the way back to her home, where she laid down on her bed and stared at the roof, not being able to fall back asleep. Her mind was on Morgana, but she couldn't help feeling in her heart longing for Arthur's gaze to be on her, soothing her.

Scolding herself, she closed her eyes and tried to erase any thoughts of him out her mind, but found she couldn't.

"Stupid girl," She said to herself. "Just stop thinking! You are nothing but a maid, and that's all you'll ever be! Get it into your head!"

With that she was able to keep the thoughts away, but she felt in a small part of her there was something there, as if there was something that stored all her forgotten thoughts and memories. She shook her head, telling herself she was being foolish, and quietly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 2: Merlin

Morgana's Tomb


End file.
